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eusebiovic
6:35 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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It's a terrible thing when it suddenly dawns on you that after your late 40's you can never truly trust your farts ever again. It's a doubleedged sword - glory or congealed cloth
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chim chim cha boo
6:12 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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My birthday is the day before Christmas Eve so it's usually a very cold, miserable day when it gets dark at 4.30PM and as I get older with every passing birthday I feel Old Scratch breathing down the back of my neck a bit heavier.
Also, around Christmas I tend to drink fuck-loads, as I had the night before my birthday.
Anyway, it's about 6PM on my birthday, feeling a bit rough and old and freezing cold I go down to my unlit, freezing garage to get the box with the Christmas decorations to brighten the place up a bit and try to get into the Christmas spirit. Maybe it will jolly me up a bit?
Get to the back of the garage, have a rummage and eventually find the box, bend down to pick it up and the world falls out of my bottom. No warning, nothing.
I'm standing there on my own, on my birthday, in the dark, in the cold holding a box of fucking fairy lights with cold shit running down the back of my legs.
I remember thinking 'Happy birthday Chim, what a wonderful metaphore for being over 50 this is'.
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Crassus
5:29 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Worm
Not mine mate, common as muck
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On The Ball
5:16 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Don't be a prick.
Well, maybe Blue....
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Eerie Descent
5:04 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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I would've thought you've shit yourself with excitement when the British entry on Eurovision takes to the stage?
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On The Ball
4:43 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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I watched an England-India ODI in Udaipur in India (the match was in England, we were in a cafe) in 2004. Vikram Solanki got a good score for us, which prompted the cafe owner to point out that Solanki's uncle lived a couple of doors away. Se we all enjoyed it together - they were happy that a local lad was doing well for England.
None of that is relevant really. Steve Harmison took a hat-trick with the last three balls of the match, and as he got the third I leapt from my seat - but my bowels stayed behind. Had to waddle to the hole in the floor and try not to spray my feet with shit. Didn't go back.
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Westham67
4:01 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Bernie 3:28 Mon Apr 29
hahahaha
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worm
3:54 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Same one as your missus probably
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Crassus
3:52 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Mrs Worm is clearly a lady of ‘breeding’ - wonder which Swiss finishing school she attended
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worm
3:37 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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I'm sure I've told this one before but I'm happy to bore you all again.
I'd been seeing Mrs worm for just a couple of weeks, I think this might even have been the first time I stayed over.
We'd been out the night before on the cocktails and were lying in bed the next morning when a farting competition started,
After a couple each, she declares herself the winner and goes off to the kitchen.
I got up to get in the shower.
I'm there a few mins when another fart brews, Not wanting to waste the acoustics I've been provided with, I squeezed it out a bit harder for maximum noise.
You all know what happened.
She's now on her way down the hallway to join me in the shower, I'm frantically trying to push shit down the plughole, I cant have her come in so I hold the door lock, one of those slider things.
She tells me to let her in, i tell her no way.
She leaves. Huge sigh of relief from me.
I'm just poking the last bit down the plughole when the bathroom door flies open. She's back, armed with a butter knife to open the door.
"Dont come in!!!"
"Why not?....it fucking stinks in here"
I point down at the plug, she pisses herself, knowing what I've done.
amazingly she didnt kick me out and we were together 3 years
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Bernie
3:28 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Whitester. 2:28 Mon Apr 29
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHHAA
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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Westham67
2:36 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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In Bangkok I had the shits badly made it to the lobby of the Hotel and it just all came out and I had shorts on. I got in the lift and my trainers were covered in shit and I had to get in a shower and wash it all off. Luckily I use that hotel frequently so they were more concerned about me than there lobby smelling of shit
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Whitester.
2:28 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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I did at my youngest Daughters nativity play a couple of years ago.
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dm
12:53 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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When I had Gastroenteritis. that was horrible. incredibly bad stomach pains, vomiting, . plus waking up to find I had shat myself in my sleep.
One good thing came out of it I lost about a stone and a half
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eusebiovic
12:49 Mon Apr 29
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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There used to be this place opposite Clapham Common called "Tiger Lils" about 20 years ago - which was previously a Wimpy Bar.
It was like a buffet place which cooked the food in woks in front of you with the soy sauce/fish sauce after choosing your ingredients from the said buffet - long before this had become the fashionable trendy option of today.
After leaving I got the tube to Kennington - a very short journey of 4 stops. My belly started to rumble at Stockwell and my sphincter was puckering by Oval.
By the time we were approaching Kennington I didn't know whether to stand up or stay seated to keep it in until the next stop at Waterloo in the naive hope that the storm would pass my underpants would be redeemed. The stool water had already started to break and I was in a blind panic.
Got off at Kennington and breathed a sigh of relief as I got up the first flight of stairs without misshap. As I got halfway up the second flight I missplaced my step and lost my balance as I corrected myself it happened...a shart with the follow through of an oil slick.
Humiliated, I gingerly limped towards the lift and was greatful that nobody else had the misfortune of sharing the space with me and made my way out towards home which was a 10 minute walk.
First thing I did when I got home was step in the shower and put a washing machine on at approximately 1AM.
I wonder how much of this street food stuff in covered markets still regularly does this to others today?
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bruuuno
2:21 Sun Apr 28
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Fella I know shit himself badly on the train late one night coming home from work, wearing a suit.
He jettisoned his trousers and pants but put everything back on and hid in the carsey until his stop. He then legged it through the train and platform naked from the waist down.
He got to his car in the station car park only to get pulled over by the old bill on the drive home and get done for drunk driving. What a shit night
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Manuel
1:38 Sun Apr 28
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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I have, it was only yesterday, in the 93rd minute..
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Leonard Hatred
1:25 Sun Apr 28
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Once a week, regular as clockwork.
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zebthecat
1:44 Sun Apr 28
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Yes, Salmonella poisining.
The shitting yourself bit was pretty minor compared to the rest of it.
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diehardhammer
12:58 Sun Apr 28
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Yep about a month ago, heavy night on the Beers and bugle, hadn’t eaten all day.
Sitting in living room with mates discussing the night out the morning after then trusted a wet fart and a unfortunately a little shit came out
Cue waddle to the loo whilst laughing
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Far Cough
12:28 Sun Apr 28
Re: Come on admit it,have you ever shat yourself as an adult ?
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Yes, walking home from a game the other week I thought I'd squeeze one out, fatal error, I shat myself, to be fair, I was suffering from terrible constipation
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